GOD IS GOOD.

This is my first post where anything in my title is capitalized. The reason?

God continues to provide for me, He continues to show me how amazing he is. He continues to challenge me to trust him fully. He continues to show me He is GOOD.

Let me back up.

Since I was 13, I have wanted to be a teacher. My passion for kids has not wavered since then. I started volunteering in the classroom in 7th grade, and did throughout high school. My 10th grade year I opted to do 'running start' which meant that I left high school and took all of my classes at the local community college. During those two years, I was able to work full time, and volunteer every day in elementary schools.

I graduated from college the week before I graduated from high school. That being said, it was hard. People told me I couldn't do it. I was too young, I was going to miss out on high school, it wasn't possible.

I went to college in Seattle where I thought I would be able to get the best education possible for a teacher. Worked my tail off to graduate in 2 years double majoring. Fought like crazy to do my student teaching back in my hometown with my former 3rd and 4th grade teacher. Fell in love with my first set of students and knew I was hooked for life.

My last day of student teacher, I was offered a 2 month long term subbing position in the classroom next door. The day I finished that position, I was offered a month long sub position next door. I then worked as a sub for the last few weeks of school.

The surrounding districts cut teachers, closed schools and started striking. In all this, I had a real peace about the coming fall. And I know that that peace could only come from Him cause God knows that I am not that patient. :)

I applied for all 6 jobs that opened up and then tried to wait patiently remembering that God had me under his wings and I was in his sights. He remembered me.

Got an interview right off the bat for a position that I was not qualified for. However, the interview was a great experience and I am so glad that I did it. When I got the call that I didn't get the position, I was disappointed but okay.

A month went by and August rolled around without anything happening.

Then, you may remember my crazy first week of August which I wrote about here. Interviewed on a crazy crazy day and felt okay about it.

The next week I got the call that I did not get the position. Another lady who had very close connections with the school was offered. It did make me feel a bit better that I had even had an interview because over 100 people applied and only 3 were interviewed.

I felt like I started to question God; why didn't I have a job yet? I wanted to teach so badly and I wanted to be in the classroom this year.

One week ago, I got a call from my principal who offered me a substitute position that could turn into a part time position teaching Kindergarten PE/Art/Music. I was excited because it meant I would have my foot in the door and could be doing something school related. Again, God was all over it. I was reminded of the verse "Be still and know that I am God." I tried to be patient.

Then through a crazy turn of events, the 5th grade spot that I had not gotten dissolved. So Michelle was moved and there was no longer that position available. Except. God is Good.

I had a little bit of a pity party when Michelle got the other position. I doubted. I tried to remember to be patient.

Last Friday at the rodeo, I got 3 phone calls. Because of all the noise, I didn't answer. So, Saturday morning I called Cindy back and she said that the parent gossip was that they let Michelle go too early and they were going to need a 5th grade teacher. That information came to Cindy by one of my former teachers who was looking out for me. God is good.

I woke up Monday to go and meet a teacher to talk about the sub job for Kindergarten. That was my plan, not Gods. He had bigger and better plans for me.

Low and behold, at 8:49, Jeff called me and offered me the 5th grade teaching position at Woodlands Elementary. God is good. He is constant, he does not forget, He is good.

So I am writing this post the night before my career officially starts. I started it last night, worked on it this morning, and am just now finishing it. Probably because I have been so dang busy!

That being said, I have the best and most supportive family and friends. My bestie drove 45 minutes without telling me, and showed up at my front door. She brought me balloons, a gift and the best talking card ever. She took me out to dinner and it was wonderful. She is so thoughtful.

Then, the boy came to my classroom on his day off and helped me do everything. Literally. When I walked into my classroom I had a pile of desks. And that was it. He helped me organized them, moved them, hang things up on the wall, clean, organize, and so much more. He is such a big support and encouragement for me right now and I couldn't live without it. Or him.

Today, I met so many teachers; the only word to describe it is whirlwind. Went out to breakfast with the fam (another tradition), and then spent the day getting things ready, meeting MY STUDENTS at the BBQ, and figuring what the heck I am going to teach!

And now, in the quiet and still of my apartment, before I start my career I am praising my savior for being ever present, ever constant, all knowing, and the one true God.

Tomorrow is a big day for me and I am slightly, no...really nervous. However, I am also so excited that I can hardly stand it.

I am a teacher. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. God is GREAT.

baseball.

Oh how my heart likes baseball.

I was thinking the other day about how I came to love baseball, and its actually kind of a funny story. See, I grew up with a house full of guys. With 3 brothers and my Dad, you would think someone would be into sports. Apparently not.

So, I was in 8th grade and I was really sick. Like for...a long time. Every day, I would come home and get into bed. I was going to bed at 9, getting up at 6, and I could sleep all afternoon. My body hated me.

So everyday, I would come home, get into bed, and turn on KOMO 1000 to listen to some good talk radio before I passed out. I would turn it up ridiculously loud and somehow it worked as white noise and I would sleep so well. My stomach would feel better, and I would be able to eat dinner, do homework, and then go right back to sleep.

Well, shortly after I started this tradition, KOMO stopped broadcasting and became the home of the Seattle Mariners. I was upset. How was I going to sleep now?

I started turning off the radio as soon as it would switch to the Mariners and just sleeping without it. But after a while I just left it on. And that's when it started. I started not sleeping so that I could listen.

I was intrigued. It was so exciting! I researched the players, the teams, starting reading about the M's in the newspaper, and went to my first game.

Instant chemistry between me and the Seattle Mariners. I was hooked. Obsessed. I got stat books, read every article in the paper, listened to all of the games, and got my first Mariners shirt.

Fast forward to the year 2009. I have 9 Mariners shirts...one for every day of the week, one to sleep in, and one to work out in. Spent my last spring break in Peoria, Arizona at Spring Training. Been to upwards of 40 games. This year, 18 so far. I've seen players come and go. Trades made that I don't like. Trades made that I think are fantastic. Saw King Felix make his opening M's debut. Cried when Bloomquist was traded. Cried when Boone retired. Made good friends with the Wilson family. Yes, Dan Wilson and family. Cheered the day Griffey returned. Been through many a manager. And I love it. All of it.

My name is Katie and I am a Seattle Mariners Fan.

traditions.

Today was a great care free kind of day.

Woke up...and then went back to sleep. Greatest feeling.

Had a lazy morning, checking Facebook, texting, talking to the bestie, drinking tea, and just relaxing. Went over to my parents house and grabbed a few things before I went and had coffee with and friend from High School. We haven't actually talked in YEARS. As in like... 6. And now she is married, and its kinda crazy. But it was great to catch up and I think we will probably be doing that on a pretty frequent basis now.

Then it was off to the grand of Fair and Stampede with the family. It's tradition. It's tradition that we walk through the Pavilion and look at all the gadgets. It's tradition that we eat Papa Murphey's pizza on the benches in front of the dog show area. It's tradition that one of us buys cotton candy and the rest of us eat it all. It's tradition that we sing loudly before the rodeo starts. That we cringe during the bull riding. That we laugh hysterically at the clowns.

Family traditions. My mom made a comment while we were walking around that kinda freaked me out. She asked if she could bring my kids to the fair and have a Nana day with them so my husband and I could go out. I just LOVE when she says things like that. That was dripping with sarcasm by the way. Although, I am so glad that my parents are excited about grand kids in the future. The far far future. :)

I really hope that when I do have kids I can establish some of the same and some new family traditions.

And now I am home... showered to try and stop the allergic reaction from the rodeo. Sucks to be allergic to animals...and dust...and hay.... cause I took four benadryl and my normal medications and I still feel like someone filled my sinuses up with glue. I also have a nice collection of hives right now. So fun. :)

Off to bed...looking forward to tomorrow. Work, then BASEBALL. Get to see the bestie too which is great. Oh yea, and the boy. :)

honesty.

I think I have been avoiding my blog.

The reason? I have to be honest on here. When I write in my 'journal' to myself, I have to be honest. And sometimes honesty hurts. Sometimes, its painful to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, it hurts to write down what you are thinking because it makes it so much more real.

Honesty.

So here is a sampling of what I have been thinking about:

The boy

The bestie

Parents

Brothers

Mariners (when am I not thinking about them?) :)

Work

School

The Future

My Faith

Weight Loss

Stress

Money

Timing

Music

Virtues

Respect

Standards

Being an adult

Serving

Compassion

Cooking

Pain

Reading

Wisdom

Photography

Dates

Coffee

Forgiveness

Unconditional Love

Yes, it is a list. Yes, all of those things have been on my mind recently along with a million other things. Maybe that is why I have had a hard time sleeping...my mind won't shut off and stop thinking about all these things, it just keeps going and going and going...

Obviously a lot of these subjects are related to each other and are related to different things going on in my life.

I don't know if I can actually process any of these things tonight and write coherently about them. But I will do a few bullets...cause you know, I have a love affair with lists.

• Krislyn recently wrote about a few books she has been reading, and I have been reading the same ones. She is actually the person who got me into blogging, and I am SO thankful for that! So, recently I have been reading Crazy Love, Lady in Waiting, Getting Married, and Love Languages for Singles. All on recommendations from other bloggers! I am loving reading these books and I am looking forward to writing more about them!
• I read this blog, and recently Jordan has been talking about her 'boy' and boy did I relate to her last post about her boy. Yep, kinda feeling like someone threw back the covers on me when I wasn't expecting it. Did that analogy work?
• Also cried reading her other post here. My older younger brother is starting high school on Wednesday, and I can't even image when he starts college, I am going to be a mess. I feel so blessed to have stayed close to him and to home where I can keep an eye out for him, as well as get all the good insight into his world of being a teenage boy. He tells me about his crushes, his hurts, what makes him mad, and he melts my heart. He can always cheer me up and is Mr. Personality. Can't believe his is growing up so fast. I mean, behind the wheel of the car already? I still remember his sitting on the 25 cent horse in front of Walmart. Or for that matter, teaching him how to crawl behind the rubber duck. He's kinda special to me. He should just stop growing up.
• The boy. Oh the BOY. Not exactly sure about all of that right now. Friends? Yes, for sure. In fact, I had a crappy night a few days ago, and he just came over and held me. We didn't have to say anything, we didn't have to do anything, he just stroked my hair, let me vent/cry when I needed to, and would ever so often gently squeeze me just to let me know he was there. And the occasional kiss on the forehead but I seriously felt better after he was here. Calmed my soul down a bit. But that is where the problem comes in. I miss him when he's not here. I miss him when I don't see him. Or like tonight where I haven't texted with him in 4 hours. I miss him, and I can't get him off my mind. I just miss him. Period.
• There will be more on the boy, don't worry. I just need to change subjects for a few bullets. :)
• The bestie is currently match.com dating. Personally, I think its a little strange. But kinda hilarious. I love reviewing her matches with her and then figuring out who she should click 'not interested' and who she should 'wink' at. She's had a couple of regular real dates which is great for her. I'm happy that she's enjoying herself and is out of other bad situations.
• The Mariners. Win three games in a row, and then loose. Not good. But, I am SUPER excited that I am going to the game Saturday. Super Duper Excited. The boy got me tickets so the Bestie, her 'friend' and the boy and I are going. Super excited. And against KC which means my favorite Mariner will be back in town! Willie Bloomquist!!!
• So, it looks like I do indeed have a job. It will start as a substitute position, and then hopefully I will be 'officially' hired by the end of the month. There is a lot of room for changes and additions, but right now I will be teaching Kindergarten PE/Art/Music, and a few other things possibly. Should be GREAT!
• The gym work has been great. And nannying. But man I have been tired! Working is good though, it keeps me busy and gives me a purpose for my day. And I get to make some money to pay my rent!

I think that is all I can muster up for now. I have finished my tea, written a very long blog post, and now it is time for me to crash! I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow which will be a nice change of pace from getting up at 6 these last few days!

Tomorrow I have a coffee date with an old friend and I am so looking forward to reconnecting with her and possibly finding a small group to connect with as well. It will be great.

Then the fam and I are off to the grand old Fair and Rodeo! And the boy MAY be coming with us. We shall see how that works out...but I think it would be great if he could come.

Saturday I am working and have the M's game... Sunday is CHURCH. So good...and I'm really really really really hoping the boy will come with me to Church. Cause that would be G-R-E-A-T.

And then the week starts again. And it is going to be super duper crazy. CRAZY.

Oh my life. Love it. Wouldn't want it any other way. A roller coast, right? :)

shuffle.

In this post, I will not be talking about:

~the boy

~crazy emotions

~work

~anything deep

But what I will be writing about, is my love for music. And currently, my love for the shuffle button. Whoever created that button, my love goes out to you.

You just click shuffle and your i-pod creates this great collection of all your music creatively mixed together in no particular order. Who cares if the Black Eyed Peas come right after a Praise song? Pop and Country mixed together? Yes, it is the best.

I think one of my favorite things about shuffle is that I get to listen to a lot of my music that I normally wouldn't pick at all. But, because all I have to do is click one button and there is absolutely no work involved in it for me, I love it. Except when Tony Bennett's Winter Wonderland comes on, then I do have to interrupt its flow and click NEXT.

In recent weeks, (and I am not eluding to ANYTHING that I mentioned that I wouldn't mention) I have had music going all the time. One of the the great things about having my own place is there is no one to tell me to turn it down, or turn it off at 2 AM. I can keep it going whenever I want. But I digress.

My parents definitely instilled in me a love for music. I love music. And the great thing is, in the recent years, I have come to love all kinds of music. Well....maybe not ALL all kinds, but for the most part, I am up for anything.

Music does something for me that nothing else can do. It's just enough that it doesn't fill my head, but it helps things to process. I can almost always find a song that describes how I am feeling. But since I am not mentioning the boy, I won't share what songs recently have been going through my head. They are a crazy mixture right now.

So, I will leave you with that. Music is a huge part of my life. A constant. A place that I find myself being able to think. Which currently, is very important. But I'm not going there in this post. Love it.

you never let go.

I just knew that Church would be good for me. This morning while getting ready I was listening to Rescue by the Desperation Band. What a fantastic song. If blogger would let me, I would load up a video of this song, but it won't. Technical difficulty. And since I am so tired, I am not going to try currently. :) Here are the lyrics:

You are the source of the life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There’s no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

This is one of those songs I can listen to over and over and I feel so much comfort each time. Then, at church we sang You never let Go. Again, if blogger would let me, it would be up here in video form. But you are just going to have to look it up all on your own. Here are the words:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

God is good. While I still feel like my heart hurts a little bit, I know I am going to be okay. I know that I will get through this. I know that everything the boy said is actually smart and a good idea and probably the best for everyone, but I am also disappointed, and kinda upset that I let myself get this invested so soon. I think things will get better with time. Who knows, things could change again. But we shall see.

In the sermon today, Jeff was talking about how God never moves. He is always in the drivers seat, and we are the ones that move away from being near to him, and slide our way over in the seat, and eventually end up not even in the car anymore. We move away from God, he doesn't move from us.

God, please help me to move close to you, and to feel your presence. I love you with all my heart and want to live for you. I want to be a good and faithful servant. You have captured me with Grace, and I will follow you. Amen.

a few stones left.

So maybe it didn't all come crashing down.

He left, and then a few hours later after he cleared his head, he called. So I went and saw him. I think this is the conclusion we have come to.

He just got out of a long-term relationship. And that is weighing heavily on him right now. We need to just cool it for a while.

Stay friends: YES. No question about that.

Relationship: We both need some time and space before we would start that.

It was good to just sit and talk with him. Then he held my hand during the movie we watched. Then I fell asleep cause my head hurt so much from processing...and now I am extremely tired.

But I'm off to church which is good. And he's in Alaska for the day. Yes, Alaska.

So it didn't all come crashing down. Just maybe in my heart a little. I think that I really need to work on 'guarding my heart' a little bit more. Problem is, I think I have already invested emotions into this and its hard to now step back and guard myself. I always dive head first into things and give 100% so backing off is hard. I like to invest myself in my friends and their well-being, so stepping back and away from such a great friend is hard. But necessary.

And Cherry, thank you so much for praying for me. That is one of the crazy weird things about blogging is that this is kind of my personal journal, but to know that others I don't even know are praying for me is amazing. The strength of the Lord is amazing.

Lord, help me to guard my heart. Help me to get some perspective. Help me to listen to people in my life who I trust and value their opinions. Help me to depend more on you. Amen.