new look.

So, since I needed something to keep my mind off of other things...I decided to update the look of my blog! What do you think?

missing him.

Tonight is the first night that I am missing him again. I think was mostly angry after this past rotation of him coming back into my life and then exiting swiftly. Pretty sure that's why I didn't really feel sad.

But today, I miss him.

Yep. I know it will get better. I know it will feel less painful. I know that time will help.

But tonight...I miss him.

That's all.

thankful.

This year especially, I have been humbled by how blessed I am. Working in a low-income school has really opened up my eyes to what a great and easy childhood I had. I never had to deal with hunger, homelessness, divorce, or financial woes.

I have a Savior who loves me in a crazy unrelenting way. He always has my best interest in mind and has his hand in my life. I may not always feel it, but he is near by and never leaves me.

I could not has for a more supportive and loving family. They have been there with open and loving arms no matter what.

I have the best job in the world, one that I have dreamed of since I was a little kid. I love going to work everyday and I feel like God is really using me. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

My friends are true and strong. E is someone that I can't image my life without. I can go to her with any problem, concern, funny story, or heartache. She would drop everything and come running if I asked her too. S is that friend I can count on for sound advice on anything.

This has been a year of big changes in my life: finishing student teaching, getting a summer job, moving out, having my first relationship, getting a real adult job, buying a car, getting my heart broken, living paycheck to paycheck, and growing up.

I can't wait to see what God has in store for me in this coming year. I am blessed beyond imagine and feel so blessed for what I have.

music.

Music is the heartbeat of my life. My parents brought me up to LOVE music. It's always on...in the mornings to get me going, in my classroom all day long, when I get home to wind down, and to put me to sleep. I have grown to love all kinds of music...yes, all kinds. Growing up, we primarily listened to country music and classical/jazz.

Then, I started listening to a little bit more rock/alternative and ever sometimes...rap. Anything but screaming music.

Recently, I have been relating to quite a few songs. Maybe just a line or two, or maybe the whole song.

For example: Lady Antebellum...I would highly recommend "All We'd Ever Need". Watch out...if you have recently had your heart broken I say bring some kleenex. Also, "Need you Now." Again, broken heart people...watch out.

Then there is Taylor Swift. I relate to ALL of her songs. There is some piece that just gets me. Her new Platinum Edition of Fearless? All 6 are great. Her piano version of Forever and Always is my life in a nut shell. Untouchable? Great. The Other Side of the Door? Just want to post the words on my forehead. Come in with the Rain? Oh that song how it gets to me.

Then if we move into a little bit more alternative...Owl City. New favorites. Fireflies is just a great song. And then Vanilla Twilight has to go and make me cry again. Do you see a pattern? :)

Boys Like Girls "Love Drunk" is always a good one to listen to really loud... All American Rejects as well.

Music runs through my veins...its the heart beat in my life. If you ever need a suggestion for a song to make you feel better, get you revved up, make you think, enjoy a celebration, make a mix for Christmas, I am your person. :)

oh you bring.

Oh God. You always seem to know exactly what I need right when I need it. You show yourself in a tangible way that lets me know I am not alone. That what I am doing and what I am up against is for your glory. That what I am doing is not done for nothing, but is done to praise you. Music is such a big part of my life and I feel like this song has been my anthem recently.

Oh You bring hope to the hopeless

And light to those in the darkness

And death to life

Now I'm alive

Oh You give peace to the restless

And joy to homes that are broken

I see You now

In You I'm found

And You opened the door for me

And You laid down

Your life to set me free

All that I am will serve You Lord

And You opened my eyes to see

All the wonder and awe of Christ in me

Jesus You're everything I need

Oh You fill those who are empty

And rescue those in the valley

And through it all You calm my soul

Oh You find me in my weakness

And heal the wounds of my heartache

I worship You in spirit and truth

All honour

All glory

All praise to You

Today, God gave me exactly what I needed. A reason to keep on going. I had a parent come in who had to sign some IEP paperwork, so he stopped in to meet me. Never met him before, but he came up to me and said, "It's so nice to meet the person who is having such a huge influence on my son's life. We have seen so many positive and good changes since he started in your classroom. Thank you so much for all you are doing."

Wow. That could not have come at a better time. When life is crazy, I'm preparing for conferences, staying up super late getting things ready, and living and breathing school. This is exactly what I needed to hear to push me through the next week. I can make it.

Thank you God helping me to feel your arms around me.

oh life.

People always say how God will never give us more than we can handle. I am trying to believe that is true. And I know it is, but I am feeling challenged right now.

Challenged emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

School is challenging me right now in ways I never thought it would. Worrying about my kids and just having to trust that God knows my kids and is taking care of them.

Physically, I have been pushing myself at the gym to the point of being sore every day. I feel like there isn't a point in between being sore and not being sore. I just am. Always. Which is good, but its been challenging.

Spiritually, I feel like I am being stretched, tested, challenged, and I'm trying to figure out how to be on the mission and live my life for God every day. I feel like I am growing, but I also feel like sometimes I am not being a good witness. Like I am compromising my faith.

The boy is still on the front of my mind and heart. It still hurts really really bad. Some events transpired last night and today that make me both excited and nervous about reconciling. But I am so unsure. I don't want to get hurt again.

So, life has been kind of challenging right now. And then I look at some of my students who are in survival mode and I think my life is pretty darn easy compared to them. But I feel like I am being stretched and growing, but is good. Doesn't mean it isn't painful.

I am just praying to make it through the next two weeks. If I can persevere and push through till the 26th, I'll be okay. I think.

verses.

~THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED & SAVES THOSE

WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.~

PSALMS 34:18

think about these things.

There was a song that we used to sing in Junior High Youth Group called "Think about these things." It was based on the Bible verse Philippians 4:8~

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

That verse has been swirling in my head recently.

And then there was church. Oh church... I just love it. Yesterday was the conclusion of our "Kings and Queens" sermon series, and even though it was all about marriage and kids, it spoke Right. To. Me.

Kari, our pastor's wife, was talking about her life and relationships. And she said that after her engagement ended, and all her friends left, she had to be all alone. And it was when she was all alone, she realized she wasn't. She focused on Psalm 37:4~ Delight in the Lord and he will bring you the desires of your heart.

Delight in the Lord and he will bring you the desires of your heart.

Delight in the Lord and he will bring you the desires of your heart.

So my new goal, or focus, is to delight myself in the Lord. How do I even do that??? So I did some searching...and I found these two verses

Psalm 40:8~I delight to do your will, O my God, and your law is within my heart.

Romans 7:22~ From in my inner being I delight in God's law.

He knows the desires of my heart. He knows.

Right now, its just me and him. Him and me. And I will delight in him wholeheartedly. With my Whole. Heart.

Delight in the Lord and he will bring you the desires of your heart.

Delight in the Lord and he will bring you the desires of your heart.

bad blogger.

My life has been so crazy...blogging has been shoved to the bottom of my HUGE to do list!

So lets see....what has been new in my life:

School: I love being a teacher. It is the most rewarding, crazy, exhausting, wonderful, tiring, challenging, exciting job I think I could ever have. I have had some crazy experiences so far, some very hard situations, stress beyond belief, and some very rewarding breakthroughs with my students. I love every minute of it.

The Boy: I broke up with him. Very painful, and not entirely sure it was the best decision. But I think it was. Maybe.

Friends: Seen E quite a bit recently...which is so good. She seems to be the glue that helps to hold me together. Just talked with S on the phone...gosh I miss her! She is such a good moral compass in my life.

Family: Being in good contact with Kyle recently...and got to hang out with Kevin last night. The rest of the fam is good.

Sorry this is so brief, but I have so much to do today! I promise I will try and be better! :)