missing my kids...

Today I am really missing my students. The familiarity of me knowing them, and them knowing me.

Having my classroom where somedays we just sat and colored, or talked, and everybody hugged each other. Where my kids all worked hard. Where I knew their emotions, their feelings, their stories.

Letting go of them was one of the toughest things to do. And while it was obviously necessary...It was still hard.

I gave my students this poem on the last day and barely made it through reading it outloud to them. Tears flowed, and we cried together. And all of those emotions and feelings are quickly flooding back right now.

To my students:

In 2009 at the beginning of September

You came into my class, how well I remember.
Some of you were smiling and giggling a lot

Some were very quiet and a few tears I could spot

You came here to learn, to be taught how to read

You were then very much like a tiny new seed
You were all in my garden just waiting to grow

So this gardener got busy with her rake and her hoe

I fed you the water and let in the sun

You took in the soil, but we had only begun
Each day as I worked in this garden of mine

I saw you all growing so strong and so fine

Then finally one day I took a good look

And saw each of my flowers reading a book
It was obvious then that you had worked too

Soaking up all the food I had given to you

But although you have blossomed, you still need to grow

So I'll pass you on now to another gardener I know
They too have a rake and hoe they can use

And plenty of food from which you can choose

I hope you will keep your roots open wide

Take in all their food and keep it inside

Yes, a gardener can work all night and all day

But the flower must be willing to take in each ray

So work very hard in your garden each year

Do the best you can and you'll have nothing to fear
Grow strong and tall, reach up for the sun

Stay as nice as you are and have lots of fun.

date night...

I love date nights. There is something about actually planning a {date} and then doing it that makes it special.

Not just deciding on dinner and making it, or grabbing some food on the way home, but planning some sort of activity and dinner. I love it.

Tonight, we are going to do some shopping. Not just any type of shopping. Some BIG shopping. Some very important shopping. Just to check things out. And get some ideas. And I'm pretty excited.

Then we are planning on going out to dinner and just relaxing back at home. Ryan's home that is. Not my home. Yet. :)

lots of good things happening...

Lots of good things...but I can't share... {yet}.

This weekend, we went to R's parents house and had a wonderful weekend relaxing with them and his sister.

Lot of laughs, some good tears, and smiles all around.

We are all {excited} about the future. And plans. And all kinds of fun and exciting things in our lives.

There is still a little bit of time before anything because official official, but let me just say... I can't even wait to share my news on here. For all of you who have followed me, prayed for me, and loved on me even though I don't know you...thank you.

God is good. It is in his timing, when we let go of our plans and our timing, that he works in mysterious and crazy ways.

My life sure looks different than I thought it would, but I couldn't be happier.

This is a feeling of joy I have {never felt before}. And just you wait.

The exciting thing is, this is JUST. THE. BEGINNING.

laughter...

I haven't laughed like I did last night in a {long} time.

And boy, did it feel G.R.E.A.T.

After a crazy day of my car not working, being late to work, jumping my car FOUR times, buying a new battery, replacing said car battery {on my own}, and going to R's house exausted, I laid down and I was out. We were snuggling, and then all of a sudden it was 4 hours later.

Yes, we took at FOUR hour nap.

And that is when the fun started.

I don't know what it was, but we were both {goofy}. And we L.A.U.G.H.E.D. like no ones business.

Went to Wal-Mart to grab a few things, had a great time cooking dinner together, watching the game, talking, and just living life to its fullest.

This morning, my stomach hurts. I'm actually sore I laughed so hard.

And the greatest thing is, I get to laugh with this man {for the rest of my life}.

one big difference...

I am quickly finding out how different {men} and {women} deal with being sick.

Is it just me who thinks that or is that pretty well known and I'm the last to find out. I used to notice it with my Dad quite a bit, and with my brothers as well...but now I am REALLY noticing it.

So R is sick. He has a cold. But to him?

END OF THE WORLD.

This morning I found him lying in bed, moaning, looking quite pitiful saying in his weakest voice, "Heeelllp meeeeee."

Seriously? I think when a man is sick, the world stops rotating, the oceans part, and they think the seas are rising up above them.

Babe, you have a cold. That's it. Yes, you have a runny nose. Blowing it helps. Yes, your head hurts. Advil helps. You don't have a fever, cough, rash, or the chills. You'll be fine. I promise. Yes, I will take care of you, bring you hot tea in bed, make a lunch for you BEFORE I have to be out of the door at 7:00, bring you a cup of water at your bedside, and come and check on you on my lunch break. Yes, I will straighten up and make sure you have clean clothes and towels before I leave. Yes, I will kiss your forehead, pull the covers up over you, tuck you in, and remind you to rest. Because I love you. And I really do love taking care of you.

But if that was me? Well...I'd still be going to work, getting the grocery shopping done, popping some Sudafed, putting in the laundry, making dinner, writing a thank you note, pay the bills, and then crash into bed with a bottle of NyQuil next to me.

And yes, you would take care of me in your own very kind way. And I'd probably get a back rub out of it.

I think that I would rather ME be sick than YOU.

I just handle it better.

I love you, Babe. :)

men's cologne...

Seriously does something to me.

Seriosusly.

When a guy has good quality, good smelling cologne on, and just the right amount...it does amazing things.

Guys who spray themselves up one side and down the other side in really strong nasty cologne? Not good.

But when have just the right amount, of a a good cologne, it smells intoxicatingly good. So good that I get distracted. So good that I can't stay focused. So so good.

And let me tell you this. Ryan has the {best} smelling cologne.

Seriously.

deeper...

This past week, something happened in mine and R's relationship that made it go...deeper. Granted, it was NOT the kind of situation that I EVER want to find myself in again until it is the right time, but we found ourselves in a situation that came with enough stress to last me for a looonnnggg time, and may have resulted in a gray hair or 2. Or 50.

But in the midst of all of that stress, tears, worry, and fear, our relationship grew. It grew stronger. Deeper. And made me realize how much I truly love this man. How I want to spend the {rest of my life with him}.

I have never met someone who can reassure me or calm me down like he can. How he can grab hold of my mess of anxiety and smooth it out. How he can listen. How he can just hold me. How he can force his way into the bathroom and sit on the floor with me and just hold me. At a moment where I thought I just wanted to be alone and cry, he knew that what I really needed was love. He knows that, because he knows me {like no one else does}.

One of the most special, personal, and intimate moments I have ever had with him is when we {prayed} together. Wow. That feeling of coming together as a couple and praying to our heavenly Father, thanking him for our blessings, and asking for His will to be done in our relationship and His way to be shown, was amazing. A very special moment I will treasure forever.

He has been the most encouraging, caring, sensitive, understanding, and supportive person. And I am forever grateful for that. I could not ask for a better man.

We are both learning from God's perfect love how to love each other better. How to continue to work on our relationship. How to put God at the center. How to love like he loves us.

{Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.}

feeling off...

Today I am feeling...off.

That's the best I can do to describe it.

I woke up early. It was 80 degrees by 7:30 this morning. Not usual for us at all.

Meeting at summer school. Set up my classroom. Felt stressed about the unknown and chaos of it all.

Came 'home' AKA Ryan's house. He came home.

I fell asleep on his couch.

He set up his tent outside. On the porch. Yes, on the porch. The reason being? He wants to go camping.

Then got pizza. And came back and watched the Mariners. And kind of sat in silence.

I think we are both tired. It has been a long week for both of us.

I think we both need a good nights sleep. And maybe some space. And some air conditioning.

Tomorrow we hopefully will both sleep in.

Then we are headed down to my friend's wedding. I set them up. And now they are getting married.

And then maybe we are going camping for a night? And hopefully resting some.

I start summer school next week and it will be a crazy fast 20 days of teaching. And then summer will be almost over...and I am still unemployed.

Trying not to dwell on it and trust God, but its difficult. I know he is testing my patience. And I'm trying to trust him. Trying being the key word.

R just made coffee. I'm blogging. And he's texting me. While sitting next to me. He's pretty much the most adorable thing ever. I love him.

So that is my story of the day.