baseball.

Oh how my heart likes baseball.

I was thinking the other day about how I came to love baseball, and its actually kind of a funny story. See, I grew up with a house full of guys. With 3 brothers and my Dad, you would think someone would be into sports. Apparently not.

So, I was in 8th grade and I was really sick. Like for...a long time. Every day, I would come home and get into bed. I was going to bed at 9, getting up at 6, and I could sleep all afternoon. My body hated me.

So everyday, I would come home, get into bed, and turn on KOMO 1000 to listen to some good talk radio before I passed out. I would turn it up ridiculously loud and somehow it worked as white noise and I would sleep so well. My stomach would feel better, and I would be able to eat dinner, do homework, and then go right back to sleep.

Well, shortly after I started this tradition, KOMO stopped broadcasting and became the home of the Seattle Mariners. I was upset. How was I going to sleep now?

I started turning off the radio as soon as it would switch to the Mariners and just sleeping without it. But after a while I just left it on. And that's when it started. I started not sleeping so that I could listen.

I was intrigued. It was so exciting! I researched the players, the teams, starting reading about the M's in the newspaper, and went to my first game.

Instant chemistry between me and the Seattle Mariners. I was hooked. Obsessed. I got stat books, read every article in the paper, listened to all of the games, and got my first Mariners shirt.

Fast forward to the year 2009. I have 9 Mariners shirts...one for every day of the week, one to sleep in, and one to work out in. Spent my last spring break in Peoria, Arizona at Spring Training. Been to upwards of 40 games. This year, 18 so far. I've seen players come and go. Trades made that I don't like. Trades made that I think are fantastic. Saw King Felix make his opening M's debut. Cried when Bloomquist was traded. Cried when Boone retired. Made good friends with the Wilson family. Yes, Dan Wilson and family. Cheered the day Griffey returned. Been through many a manager. And I love it. All of it.

My name is Katie and I am a Seattle Mariners Fan.

traditions.

Today was a great care free kind of day.

Woke up...and then went back to sleep. Greatest feeling.

Had a lazy morning, checking Facebook, texting, talking to the bestie, drinking tea, and just relaxing. Went over to my parents house and grabbed a few things before I went and had coffee with and friend from High School. We haven't actually talked in YEARS. As in like... 6. And now she is married, and its kinda crazy. But it was great to catch up and I think we will probably be doing that on a pretty frequent basis now.

Then it was off to the grand of Fair and Stampede with the family. It's tradition. It's tradition that we walk through the Pavilion and look at all the gadgets. It's tradition that we eat Papa Murphey's pizza on the benches in front of the dog show area. It's tradition that one of us buys cotton candy and the rest of us eat it all. It's tradition that we sing loudly before the rodeo starts. That we cringe during the bull riding. That we laugh hysterically at the clowns.

Family traditions. My mom made a comment while we were walking around that kinda freaked me out. She asked if she could bring my kids to the fair and have a Nana day with them so my husband and I could go out. I just LOVE when she says things like that. That was dripping with sarcasm by the way. Although, I am so glad that my parents are excited about grand kids in the future. The far far future. :)

I really hope that when I do have kids I can establish some of the same and some new family traditions.

And now I am home... showered to try and stop the allergic reaction from the rodeo. Sucks to be allergic to animals...and dust...and hay.... cause I took four benadryl and my normal medications and I still feel like someone filled my sinuses up with glue. I also have a nice collection of hives right now. So fun. :)

Off to bed...looking forward to tomorrow. Work, then BASEBALL. Get to see the bestie too which is great. Oh yea, and the boy. :)

honesty.

I think I have been avoiding my blog.

The reason? I have to be honest on here. When I write in my 'journal' to myself, I have to be honest. And sometimes honesty hurts. Sometimes, its painful to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, it hurts to write down what you are thinking because it makes it so much more real.

Honesty.

So here is a sampling of what I have been thinking about:

The boy

The bestie

Parents

Brothers

Mariners (when am I not thinking about them?) :)

Work

School

The Future

My Faith

Weight Loss

Stress

Money

Timing

Music

Virtues

Respect

Standards

Being an adult

Serving

Compassion

Cooking

Pain

Reading

Wisdom

Photography

Dates

Coffee

Forgiveness

Unconditional Love

Yes, it is a list. Yes, all of those things have been on my mind recently along with a million other things. Maybe that is why I have had a hard time sleeping...my mind won't shut off and stop thinking about all these things, it just keeps going and going and going...

Obviously a lot of these subjects are related to each other and are related to different things going on in my life.

I don't know if I can actually process any of these things tonight and write coherently about them. But I will do a few bullets...cause you know, I have a love affair with lists.

• Krislyn recently wrote about a few books she has been reading, and I have been reading the same ones. She is actually the person who got me into blogging, and I am SO thankful for that! So, recently I have been reading Crazy Love, Lady in Waiting, Getting Married, and Love Languages for Singles. All on recommendations from other bloggers! I am loving reading these books and I am looking forward to writing more about them!
• I read this blog, and recently Jordan has been talking about her 'boy' and boy did I relate to her last post about her boy. Yep, kinda feeling like someone threw back the covers on me when I wasn't expecting it. Did that analogy work?
• Also cried reading her other post here. My older younger brother is starting high school on Wednesday, and I can't even image when he starts college, I am going to be a mess. I feel so blessed to have stayed close to him and to home where I can keep an eye out for him, as well as get all the good insight into his world of being a teenage boy. He tells me about his crushes, his hurts, what makes him mad, and he melts my heart. He can always cheer me up and is Mr. Personality. Can't believe his is growing up so fast. I mean, behind the wheel of the car already? I still remember his sitting on the 25 cent horse in front of Walmart. Or for that matter, teaching him how to crawl behind the rubber duck. He's kinda special to me. He should just stop growing up.
• The boy. Oh the BOY. Not exactly sure about all of that right now. Friends? Yes, for sure. In fact, I had a crappy night a few days ago, and he just came over and held me. We didn't have to say anything, we didn't have to do anything, he just stroked my hair, let me vent/cry when I needed to, and would ever so often gently squeeze me just to let me know he was there. And the occasional kiss on the forehead but I seriously felt better after he was here. Calmed my soul down a bit. But that is where the problem comes in. I miss him when he's not here. I miss him when I don't see him. Or like tonight where I haven't texted with him in 4 hours. I miss him, and I can't get him off my mind. I just miss him. Period.
• There will be more on the boy, don't worry. I just need to change subjects for a few bullets. :)
• The bestie is currently match.com dating. Personally, I think its a little strange. But kinda hilarious. I love reviewing her matches with her and then figuring out who she should click 'not interested' and who she should 'wink' at. She's had a couple of regular real dates which is great for her. I'm happy that she's enjoying herself and is out of other bad situations.
• The Mariners. Win three games in a row, and then loose. Not good. But, I am SUPER excited that I am going to the game Saturday. Super Duper Excited. The boy got me tickets so the Bestie, her 'friend' and the boy and I are going. Super excited. And against KC which means my favorite Mariner will be back in town! Willie Bloomquist!!!
• So, it looks like I do indeed have a job. It will start as a substitute position, and then hopefully I will be 'officially' hired by the end of the month. There is a lot of room for changes and additions, but right now I will be teaching Kindergarten PE/Art/Music, and a few other things possibly. Should be GREAT!
• The gym work has been great. And nannying. But man I have been tired! Working is good though, it keeps me busy and gives me a purpose for my day. And I get to make some money to pay my rent!

I think that is all I can muster up for now. I have finished my tea, written a very long blog post, and now it is time for me to crash! I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow which will be a nice change of pace from getting up at 6 these last few days!

Tomorrow I have a coffee date with an old friend and I am so looking forward to reconnecting with her and possibly finding a small group to connect with as well. It will be great.

Then the fam and I are off to the grand old Fair and Rodeo! And the boy MAY be coming with us. We shall see how that works out...but I think it would be great if he could come.

Saturday I am working and have the M's game... Sunday is CHURCH. So good...and I'm really really really really hoping the boy will come with me to Church. Cause that would be G-R-E-A-T.

And then the week starts again. And it is going to be super duper crazy. CRAZY.

Oh my life. Love it. Wouldn't want it any other way. A roller coast, right? :)

shuffle.

In this post, I will not be talking about:

~the boy

~crazy emotions

~work

~anything deep

But what I will be writing about, is my love for music. And currently, my love for the shuffle button. Whoever created that button, my love goes out to you.

You just click shuffle and your i-pod creates this great collection of all your music creatively mixed together in no particular order. Who cares if the Black Eyed Peas come right after a Praise song? Pop and Country mixed together? Yes, it is the best.

I think one of my favorite things about shuffle is that I get to listen to a lot of my music that I normally wouldn't pick at all. But, because all I have to do is click one button and there is absolutely no work involved in it for me, I love it. Except when Tony Bennett's Winter Wonderland comes on, then I do have to interrupt its flow and click NEXT.

In recent weeks, (and I am not eluding to ANYTHING that I mentioned that I wouldn't mention) I have had music going all the time. One of the the great things about having my own place is there is no one to tell me to turn it down, or turn it off at 2 AM. I can keep it going whenever I want. But I digress.

My parents definitely instilled in me a love for music. I love music. And the great thing is, in the recent years, I have come to love all kinds of music. Well....maybe not ALL all kinds, but for the most part, I am up for anything.

Music does something for me that nothing else can do. It's just enough that it doesn't fill my head, but it helps things to process. I can almost always find a song that describes how I am feeling. But since I am not mentioning the boy, I won't share what songs recently have been going through my head. They are a crazy mixture right now.

So, I will leave you with that. Music is a huge part of my life. A constant. A place that I find myself being able to think. Which currently, is very important. But I'm not going there in this post. Love it.

you never let go.

I just knew that Church would be good for me. This morning while getting ready I was listening to Rescue by the Desperation Band. What a fantastic song. If blogger would let me, I would load up a video of this song, but it won't. Technical difficulty. And since I am so tired, I am not going to try currently. :) Here are the lyrics:

You are the source of the life
I can’t be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go
There’s no other name by
Which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

This is one of those songs I can listen to over and over and I feel so much comfort each time. Then, at church we sang You never let Go. Again, if blogger would let me, it would be up here in video form. But you are just going to have to look it up all on your own. Here are the words:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

God is good. While I still feel like my heart hurts a little bit, I know I am going to be okay. I know that I will get through this. I know that everything the boy said is actually smart and a good idea and probably the best for everyone, but I am also disappointed, and kinda upset that I let myself get this invested so soon. I think things will get better with time. Who knows, things could change again. But we shall see.

In the sermon today, Jeff was talking about how God never moves. He is always in the drivers seat, and we are the ones that move away from being near to him, and slide our way over in the seat, and eventually end up not even in the car anymore. We move away from God, he doesn't move from us.

God, please help me to move close to you, and to feel your presence. I love you with all my heart and want to live for you. I want to be a good and faithful servant. You have captured me with Grace, and I will follow you. Amen.

a few stones left.

So maybe it didn't all come crashing down.

He left, and then a few hours later after he cleared his head, he called. So I went and saw him. I think this is the conclusion we have come to.

He just got out of a long-term relationship. And that is weighing heavily on him right now. We need to just cool it for a while.

Stay friends: YES. No question about that.

Relationship: We both need some time and space before we would start that.

It was good to just sit and talk with him. Then he held my hand during the movie we watched. Then I fell asleep cause my head hurt so much from processing...and now I am extremely tired.

But I'm off to church which is good. And he's in Alaska for the day. Yes, Alaska.

So it didn't all come crashing down. Just maybe in my heart a little. I think that I really need to work on 'guarding my heart' a little bit more. Problem is, I think I have already invested emotions into this and its hard to now step back and guard myself. I always dive head first into things and give 100% so backing off is hard. I like to invest myself in my friends and their well-being, so stepping back and away from such a great friend is hard. But necessary.

And Cherry, thank you so much for praying for me. That is one of the crazy weird things about blogging is that this is kind of my personal journal, but to know that others I don't even know are praying for me is amazing. The strength of the Lord is amazing.

Lord, help me to guard my heart. Help me to get some perspective. Help me to listen to people in my life who I trust and value their opinions. Help me to depend more on you. Amen.

and it all came crashing down.

I knew this was going to happen. I just knew it. There was a piece of me that worried that this was going to happen...and now it has.

Kinda feel like my heart is slightly ripped out of my chest. Or maybe someone is stabbing it. But I do know that there is pain.

He said he never wanted to hurt me, and right now I am feeling hurt.

Or maybe more disappointed. Maybe just a huge amount of emotions are rushing all over me right now.

I haven't cried in months. Actually... like a year. As soon as I shut the door tonight and he left, I burst out in tears. Not just a few. Sobbing, crazy tears.

Part of that I think is good, and part of it is not so good.

He just texted me and now I can't breath again. And here come the tears back.

and it all came crashing down.

cleaning.

I've been doing a lot of cleaning recently. Cleaning my apartment, cleaning out my head, cleaning up messes I've made, and cleaning up pasts.

I purposefully try and be confusing by the way. :)

I spent about 4 hours cleaning my 800 sq foot apartment. Good thing it isn't a lot bigger or I would be in big trouble! But, in my defense, I did major cleaning and organizing after being on the road/house sitting/at camp/taking care of kids/working crazy amounts of time for the past month. And I feel soo much better!

Made a stop at the elementary school today and it felt so good to be back in the building. Slightly bittersweet at the same time because it really makes it feel like summer is over. I don't really feel like I got that much summer because I never got really tan! Oh well.

Also got to write a note explaining my large cell phone bill. That would be cleaning up the messes I've made. Just what I've always wanted to do. Darn it.

I am currently doing 4 loads of laundry... do I really have that many clothes?!?! I don't think so...

So, the boy is stopping by for 'a bit' tonight. I don't know what a bit means but I'm guessing he won't be here long. Darn. Tomorrow I think I am going down to see him in Tacoma... which will be fun. And since I have to be back home to go to Church, I have to leave somewhat early. Somewhat.

I'm feeling really good right now. Oh YEAH...I talked to Patrick today! He's still in Hawaii, trying to get out of the Army, still dating a girl who could be him MOM, still smoking, and drinking way too much. Yuck.

I'm off to try and get somewhat cleaned up. Somewhat.

I'm tired though... kinda really tired actually. Maybe time for a nap? We'll see... :)

important people.

So tonight I met the boy's sister and niece. I had already met his brother in law and nephew. Then, I also got to meet his brother in laws parents. Crazy.

But it got me to thinking: I don't really have any family to introduce him to. Not real family at least. If I were going to introduce him to anyone, it would probably be close family friends. But I don't think we are at that point yet.

He made a comment tonight about how we're "not even dating...we're just friends".... and that is true. But I don't know...it kinda hurt to hear! Weird...I know. Because I want him to be single, but I want him to be mine as well! Now I see why guys think that girls are so confusing....I think I'm confusing!

Other than that, it was a long day at the gym. I think I am starting to get anxious about the fact that I don't have a job. One of my favorite verses has started coming back into my head again, "Be still and know that I am God." I need to work on trusting.

Lord, please help me to trust you. Help me to be still and know that you are God. Know that you are in control. Know that you remember me and care about me. Know that I am in your precious care. Know that I am loved by the highest King and I will always be your princess. Amen.

living.

Last night was exactly what I needed. After a week at cancer camp, house sitting, being Mom to 3 girls for 5 days, and working in between all of that...I needed that girls night!

Bestie and I had a great time. We made the "Only Cake", texted the boy, went out to the Melting Pot, watched Sex and the City, laid in bed and talked about life, and then slept in this morning.

I was then hit by the harsh reality that I had to come back down to real work when I stepped into work this morning. :)

But, it was great while it lasted.

Had some good clarity and words of wisdom given to me about the boy. He's still slightly in this annoying funk but he's coming over tonight to talk. And that we will. I feel like I need some answers on a few things he has said recently as well as some concerns I have. And we may snuggle as well. But only after the talking, because you know how the snuggling goes to my head. :)

I kinda sorta got offered a job yesterday. It would be teaching Kindergarten PE/Art/Music at my school. Thing is, it may start out as a sub position, and then turn into a real contracted spot. And it may not. Things are really up in the air, but at least its a spot.

Well, the boy just txted me and my head is slightly spinning at the thought of him coming over... staying strong. I'm feeling good. Actually great.

I feel like I am finally living. :)

staying strong.

Good day today :)

The boy is still out of town and its been good for some clarity in my mind. I am feeling pretty good about things and I'm feeling strong. Strong to resist the temptations.

Had a fabulous day with the girls today. SO MUCH FUN. It's almost like having 3 younger sisters.

SUPER EXCITED FOR GIRL'S NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. My bestie and I have the best time ever together. Chocolate cake, mandarin oranges, fettuccine, and Sex and the City...maybe go an see 'The Ugly Truth'. Love having girl time. My bestie and I hanging out, couldn't get any better than that. :)

black and white vs. gray

My head is having a hard time working right now.... because its mostly focused on one thing. The boy. But here's the deal. I need to be really honest with myself right now, and since this has been the way that I have been processing, its going to happen right here on the blog.

I used to always think that things in a relationship would be black and white. That boundaries, both physical mental, spiritual and verbal, would be black and white. For example: (of COURSE I am going to make a list)

Saying I love you: wouldn't happen for a long time. Love is something that takes a long time to grow.

Kissing: Minimum for a while, gradually more as time progressed (as in like.... a LONG time)

Hands: Wouldn't happen to me... hands would stay off of certain areas, and that's all there was to it.

Things would move slowly: It would not be fast for me... I would want things to move at a very gradual pace.

Sex: Not until marriage. Period.

But here is what is scarring me. Now that I am in it, and not just watching it, things seems so...... gray. There is no better way of putting it.

No I have not slept with him, and I am not planning on it. But there again, I am feeling gray on other issues that I never even thought about before.

Gray. It's a really hard area!

This past Sunday, one of the points made in the sermon was about lust. Run away from lust. RUN. Far far away. Previous to the boy, that was easy. Now that the boy is in my life, not so easy. Since that time, I have found that saying going over and over in my head and thinking that maybe I am putting myself into situations where I am actually running towards it, instead of away from it and that freaks me out. Big time.

Today in church, we sang one of my favorite songs "He can move the Mountains." There is a line in that song that goes

So take me as you find me... all my fear and failures... fill my life again. I give my life to follow... every thing I believe in... now I surrender... I surrender.

My mind and my heart are battling it out. And I'm not sure who is winning or who I actually want to win. I feel so happy and so... good. But at the same time, I don't know if I am filling my life with the wrong thing. I feel so close to God right now, and I love that feeling. But I feel so close to the boy as well and I like that too!

The boy and I were talking the other night about standards and whatnot again, and I was really glad we did. However, the gray is messing with my black and white. For instance: napping. Okay just on the couch or is the bed okay? I don't know anymore! I told him I would have to think about that one... but I think that if I said yes, that would be running TOWARD lust and not away from it!

But here's the thing: I am very firmly grounded in my beliefs. I just never had to consider these types of things. Today's sermon was about being a leader and living by example. And I want to do that: live by example. Which again makes things SO gray!

But at the same time, I like the boy. A lot. And he makes me want to be a better person. And he makes me want to strengthen my faith and be closer to God. He challenges me to be who I am and I like that. Can you see why I tossed and turned last night while sleeping???

Maybe another part of my head spinning is that I am feeling very grown up right now. I know, totally cliche, but I really am. I feel very much like an adult right now... probably because I am. :) My bestie thought she was pregnant. She isn't but it was kind of a reality check...for both of us. I am living my life and this is it!

Which lead me to this: I am living my life for God, and loving it right now. I love it. I like having someone in my life who makes me happy in new ways, makes me feel extra special, makes me feel like a princess. I like having someone to confide in, who sends me a smilie text just because he feels like it, who brings me lunch at work just so he can see me for 5 minutes, who cuts out onions from his diet so I don't die when he kisses me, who takes 10 extra minutes saying goodnight, and who wants me to be a part of his life for a long time. I love it.

So, I'm working on the black and white versus gray issues right now. And let me tell you, it will be a long time before I will have them figured out. But until then, I'm going to stick with my gut instincts and go with black and white. That way, I won't regret something I do, I won't get myself into trouble, I won't send mixed signals, and I won't feel like I am contradicting what I believe.

Sound like a plan? I hope so...and I am going to do my best to follow it.

Lord, please help me to make good choices. Help me to be a witness for you, and to live by example. Fill my life again. I give my life to follow. Everything I believe in.... I SURRENDER. Take control of my heart. Be near to me. I pray this in your everlasting name, Amen.

firsts.

Recently I have had quite the list of first in my life. And, since you know my love for all things lists, I am going to make you another one. Yep, I do really love lists.

1. First time living really on my own: I LOVE IT. When I lived at SPU, I did the dorm thing, then the on-campus apartment...then off to my families house which I loved, but I never really was out on my own. Now, living in my own apartment, paying rent and loving every minute of it. It is really starting to feel like home now that I have my bookcase up. I put all of my little trinkets and whatnots out and it feels more like I actually live there. I think once I finish putting my bedroom all together and stop jumping house to house it will feel even more like home.

2. First time dealing with a friend's pregnancy scare: I guess it makes me feel like I am here and grown up. Crazy. My bestie could be pregnant. I don't think that she is, but there is a possibility. That would completely blow my mind.

3. First time feelings: I have had a huge amount of firsts in the feelings department recently. Feeling excited to have the boy in my life. Feeling nervous to have the boy in my life. Feeling crazy happy to have the boy in my life. Feeling like I could possibly get my heart broken and trying to guard it. Feeling like I need to be super careful with what I do and say so that I don't get into this too far and then pull away quickly. Feeling like my life is finally starting and I am truly enjoying it. Feeling like I need God more and more each day to keep me centered and grounded and my head on straight. Feeling like I am falling for someone like I have never fallen for anyone before. Feeling like I may actually really like the boy a lot more than I realize. Feeling scared out of my mind that I am feeling these kinds of thing.

4. First kiss: enough said. Except for the minor allergic reaction to the boy eating onions before that. Other than that... enough said. :)

5. First time loosing weight all on my own: yep, down two sizes and proud of it. And its just been through eating better (and less) and exercising. Well, working too.

6. First time keeping big things from people that I would like for them to know but I don't really want to tell them right now: Confusing enough? That's what I thought. We'll just keep it that way.

7. First time feeling really.....alive?: Again, confusing. But its kind of true. I feel like I have a spark, or a new kind of joy. A joy for all the firsts. Love it.

So, I feel like there will most likely be many more first in my life, but currently, I am loving the firsts list. Life. Is. Good.

60.

this marks my 60th post. A lot has happened in those 60 posts.

Currently, a lot is happening in my life.

Let me recap my last week.

Sunday: Thought I was going to be leaving for camp. Totally had mixed feelings about it too which is weird. Mixed feelings because I wanted to go to camp, but I didn't want to leave him. Well, camp was delayed due to the Norovirus. So, went over for orientation and came home. Good and bad. :)

Monday: Hung out...ran errands... saw the boy... 3 times... got a phone call for an interview..no big deal. :) Freaked out a bit and then found out that I was going to have to leave camp, and then return.

Tuesday: Headed out for camp... again with the weird mixed feelings! But, headed out, picked up Pete, and drove to Eatonville. It felt so good to be there and to prepare my heart for an emotional roller coaster of a week... or rather, a few days.

Wednesday: Families arrived, and we took off. It was crazy, amazing, fun, inspirational, heartbreaking fun. So so so good. Minus the soaking wet carpets which in turn made our cabin smell like mildew. Worked wonders on my allergies.

Thursday: Left camp before breakfast to head out. Oh, Dan Wilson prayed for me. Yep. That Dan. Drove on I-5 for the first time...and 512... and 161. Great fun. :) Got home, prayed, took a shower, and then the power went out. So, who do I call? The boy. Turns out it wasn't just at my place. It was all of Silverdale. Oh and Bremerton. And parts of Thurston and Pierce Counties. Not so good when I have soaking wet hair and 2 hours before an interview for a job. So, the boy came over and made me feel better by waiting it out with me and telling me I would do great... and then the power did not come back on. Which means I had to find SOMEWHERE where I could dry and straighten my hair. I came up with the brilliant idea that Safeway would have to have power. Now, it normally takes me about 7 minutes to get from my apartment to Safeway. Not today. Not today. It took me 25 minutes because people do not know what to do when there are no stop lights. Pulled into Safeway...and the power returned. Again, not good. Not really wanting to dry my hair in the public and less than sanitary bathroom of Safeway, I thought that I would go over to the library and dry my hair. I didn't have enough time to make it home and dry my hair and be back so I thought the library would be ideal considering its large private bathroom and I know the ladies at the front desk. Pulled in ready to go with my blow dryer and straightener, and it has a big sign on the front door. "Closed due to power outage" I believe I may have said a bad word at this point. Then, being the BRILLIANT thinker that I am, I realized that I should probably just cross the street and go into the hair salon where I get my hair cut! I could use their outlet, it wouldn't look weird for me to be doing my hair there, and it was about 30 seconds away from the building I needed to be at. So, I marched in, and she actually ended up doing it for me. Bless her with my whole being. With 15 minutes to spare I took a few deep breaths before I walked into the administrative building, checked in, and then sat awkwardly in the chairs waiting for my turn. The interview turned out to be very relaxed which I enjoyed. 30 minutes later I was back at it. Stopped by to see the boy quickly, and he surprised me with AMAZING seats to the Mariner's game.... so super thoughtful, isn't he? Especially considering that he doesn't like baseball that much. Got back on the freeway, drove back to camp, and made it just in time for some chapel and dinner. Updated the Wilson's and every other person at camp about my interview, cause somehow everyone found out. But the more prayers the better. Great night at camp.

Friday: Tried to make it as normal of a day as possible. My family left early, due to a chemo appointment in Seattle. Which meant, Josie and I got to hang out the rest of the day together which was fantastic. It was hard to say goodbye to the families, and I tried to hold back the tears for the most part. Dropped Pete off, and caught the ferry home. And that's when the tears started. It was pretty rough. So, the boy came over and just held me for a while. He didn't ask any questions, didn't make me tell him anything, just listened and held me. Pretty great.

Saturday: Crazy amounts of errands. Trying to stay focused. MARINERS game with the boy, Em, and Jeff. So Much Fun. We lost, but oh well...we took 2 out of 3. :) That's when the adventure started. Didn't make the ferry. Went to Red Robin for mud pie...and missed the next ferry. Which meant we FINALLY caught the ferry at 12:45. But, I wouldn't have had it any other way. More time to be together. And hold hands. :) :) Got back, and ended up staying up WAY too late...or maybe early? But again, wouldn't change it. Also, lost the dog somewhere in there which meant we were out at 3:40 looking for him. Just another day in my crazy life.

Sunday: Didn't make it to morning service, cause I was SO tired. Got ready to go to my friend Michelle's wedding...with the boy. :) He picked me up, we got coffee, and then headed down. It was a beautiful wedding, got to see my dear friend Jenni, and got to hang out with the boy. Got back to my place, and he headed out to go see some family. Went over to my parents house, went to church, Target, and then back home. And then the boy came back over. And it was great. So so good. Can't even stop smiling. I like to snuggle. :)

Monday: Slept in....felt SO good. The boy came over and picked me up and we went to IKEA! Finally got a bookcase, and some new glasses. Oh, and a clock :) Came back, and took a glorious nap... so good. :) Then, we put my book case together, hung up my key holder, and then just spent some quality time together. So good. Yes... good. :) He headed out a bit early tonight, and I still haven't gone to sleep! I've cleaned, showered, and now I think I am ready.

Busy busy busy. And this week looks the same. House-sitting for my parents, doubles ALL 3 DAYS at work, taking my parents to the airport...picking them up from the airport... bowling, hanging out with the boy, maybe getting a job? Should be a good, no...great week. :)

Wow, that was LONG. Time for bed now. :)

the hole that can't be filled

Currently, I feel like I have a hole that can't be filled. Except, it feels full when he's here. When he's with me. When I get to be with him and smell him and hang on tight.

But when he leaves? A hole. A big one.

And that part is what concerns me. The part that tells me that I am filling that hole with a boy.

Because, I think that I am filling that hole with the boy when it really may need to be filled with Him.

But, I'm not sure.

And that's the part that worries me. And gives me that hole again.

So... let's recap.

I like this boy. A lot. And when I'm not around him, I feel like I have a hole. When he is with me, I don't have the feeling of a hole. However, I feel like I may be filling the hole with the boy when I need to be filling it with something else.

But I like the way I feel when I talk to him, or text him, or see him, or when he comes over.

Now my head kind of hurts....

So.... not sure what to do. But, I do know this.

This week is going to be crazy great. :)

Tomorrow I leave for camp and I am super duper excited! Its so sad that we have to miss 3 days, but I am glad that we still get to have camp. Then, when I get back, I get to go to a wedding on Sunday. I love weddings. And I don't have to go by myself which is 1000 times better.

Let's just hope that I can pull myself together.

So, big week. Super excited. Going to miss the boy. Going to have a great time. Can't wait to come back. :)

past midnight.

Oh the things that happen.

Oh how they mess with your head.

And with your heart.

But its so good.

So good.

Great.

But here's the problem.

I am seriously missing someone right now. Mostly because I know that I won't be able to see him for a few days because I am going to be gone. And I have never felt this way before about anyone.

Slightly freaking me out.

But after last night... I think I can do this. Best night in a long long time.

I like being close.

Really close.

AHHHH.... :) I'm super happy.

Can't wipe this smile off my face.

Can't.

It's permanent.