MIA...

So sorry I have been MIA on the blogging.....

I have been just a little bit busy...

WEDDING PLANNING!

That's right.

Planning MY wedding.

I am {ENGAGED}.

And loving the fact that in 8 short months, I will be a MRS., married to a man who makes me feel complete.

Who loves me more than I know.

Who has changed my life.

A FULL recap of his AMAZING proposal, ring pictures, and all kinds of wedding details to come SOON.

But for now...a picture from the night we got engaged. I love him.

The Boy: The Love Part...

What a crazy adventure this thing is that we call love.

We have been :

Learning to love each other.
Learning to love our faults.
Learning to love our quirks.
Learning to love our families.
Learning to love our Lord...together.
Learning how to be loved and allow that.

We have spent time with my family. He fits in perfectly.
We have spent time with his family. I just absolutely love them.

I learned how to let my guard down and just L-O-V-E.

And I LOVE that.

The Boy: The Second, Third, and Fourth Date...

Part Nine

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six and part seven and part eight first.)

That Wednesday at group, I got there a few minutes late.

But Ryan wasn’t there either.

The only seat was a chair kind of in the ‘back row’ since we were watching a movie clip to start. Then Ryan showed up. And grabbed a chair and sat RIGHTNEXTTOME.

Towards the end of group, he asked for my phone number. I put my phone number in his phone. And called my phone so I had his.

That night, he was on Facebook.

Want to chat?
GULP. Sure.

He called.

We talked for about an hour before we both were falling asleep.

Thursday, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to do something Saturday.
Sure…what do you have in mind?

I don’t know…we can figure it out then I guess. Just come over around 11ish on Saturday.

…okay.

Big steps for me.

Friday night he called. He couldn’t wait to see me. Could we do dinner tonight too?

…okay.

Friday night was great…we chatted about everything, and conversation came so easily.
I was supposed to meet him at 11 at his house the next day…but he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I like a man with a little mystery.

The next day was a whirlwind… we ended up going to the beach up where he works, about 45 minutes north. We walked on the beach, had lunch, talked, and just soaked up spending time together.

Come over tomorrow?

…okay.

Sunday again, we spent the entire day together, went to church, watched a movie, cooked dinner together, and just enjoyed.

We had the official ‘DTR’ (define the relationship) conversation, and it was agreed that we were officially ‘dating’.

I felt such…peace. Such… confidence, safety, and love.

Like I just knew my heart was in good hands.

And THAT, was an amazing feeling…

The Boy: The First (unofficial?) Date...

Part Eight

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six and part seven first.)

I showed up that night REALLY nervous to group link. Nervous for two reasons.

Number 1: I would have to talk to LOTS of people

Number 2: Ryan would be there and I would have to talk to him.

He was already there when I got there…manning the table. Apparently, he got there before the 5:00 service…went to church and then was going to be there for the time before the 6:30 service.

And so it started. The talking. It came so easy. The flirting. Lots of it. The teasing. But in a playful fun manner. The sharing. Why was I being so open with him? Not many people came over to talk to us about our group, but I was kind of glad. I was enjoying this so much!

The 6:30 service was going to start, and I hadn’t gone to church yet. I figured I could stay after the 6:30 to man our table since no one had signed up to do that.

But Ryan had already gone to church. Until I convinced him he really should stay with me and come to church AGAIN and then help me man the table after.

And he did.

While we were singing worshiping God…I started feeling this overwhelming sense of…peace. Something I hadn’t felt in quite some time.

A sence of... completeness.

After church was over, we continued joking, laughing, talking, and sharing.

Ryan: So… I’m kind of hungry.
Me: Me too.
Ryan: So…do you want to go get something to eat?
Me: GULP. Sure
Ryan: Okay, where do you want to go?
Me: I don’t care…wherever.
Ryan: I don’t know much over here…what sounds good?
Me: How about Silver City?
Ryan: Okay, meet you there!
Me: GULP. Okay.
I pulled out of the parking lot and called Sarah.

AM I GOING ON A DATE? I don’t know… I’m nervous…AHHHHH. I think that is kind of how the conversation went. Very direct and to the point if you can't tell.

I showed up at Silver City…and let me just tell you.

Those next THREE hours are a complete blur. I had to work the next morning, but we stayed there until 11. It went by SO fast.

We talked about everything: school, work, family, faith, love, life…conversation came so easily.

He paid.

Hugged me goodbye.

And let me tell you…I was REALLY looking forward to that coming Wednesday…

The Boy: The Second, Third, and Fourth Meeting...

Part Seven

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six first.)

I was kind of excited to go to Bible Study the next week. I was getting more comfortable around people. Having a Monday night group with a great group of godly woman, and then having a Wednesday night group with my peers. I felt like I was fully investing my life in God and putting my full focus on him. And he started to work on piecing my broken heart back together.

Life felt better.

It was easier to smile.

At my Monday group, I shared my story and was supported by an amazing group of Christian mentors. I felt like God placed each and every one of them in my life to support me, challenge me, help me grow, and to just love me.

Wednesday night group gave me a sense of belonging, made me feel like I could have friends. People who I could go and do things with. People who were teaching me how to have healthy relationships again.

That Wednesday, I was excited to see this mystery guy again. If not for anything but just to see those blue eyes. Man, they just would draw you in!

He didn’t say much that night, but when I asked what type of dessert I should bring the next week, he quickly said brownies. I filed that away in my brain to remember to make brownies for next week’s group.

God was starting to break down some of those barriers and walls I had around my heart.

That week, brownies it was. I got there early with Kim, and was kind of nervous about seeing this guy again. I still didn’t know his name!

Everyone got settled in…and he wasn’t there. Darn.

About 20 minutes into group, he showed up. And guess what? There was an open seat right next to me on the couch. As in… RIGHT next to me. He could have sat somewhere else, but he sat right next to me.

Now, normally, I would have completely frozen and not have known what to do. He was sitting SOCLOSE to me…but for some odd reason…it just felt… okay. I felt like God was telling me not to run. Not to hide. Not to be scared. That this was just…good.

After group, as soon as we got in the car, Kim and I gushed the WHOLE way back about how CLOSE he was sitting and we were still trying to figure out his name!

That next week was Spring Break. I was spending it hiding from my life down with a friend. We were just going to enjoy sleeping in, shopping, relaxing, cooking, baking, and going out a few times.

That meant I wasn’t going to get to see him that week.

But….I had this bookshelf. In my classroom. And I am awful at putting things together.

So, my brilliant idea to see if he might be interested…without really making the first step… was to e-mail my bible study group to see if someone could help me. If he responded, great. If not, great. Oh, and I finally figured out his name! Ryan. I liked that name.

Sure enough…I e-mailed. He responded. And that’s when I chickened out. I just let him know that I had it done by someone else, but Thank you so much! for the offer.

That next week and Bible Study…he didn’t show up. But at that point, it was okay. I felt like my life was on the mission. I felt like my heart was in the right place. And I didn’t need him to make me have a reason to go to group. I wanted to go to group. He was just a bonus.

Our bible study leader asked us to all sign up for times to work during a church service monitoring our table so that people could ask questions during what we call “Group Link”.

I always go to the night services, so I signed up for the 6:30.

And what do you know. So did he.

Same time.

That next Sunday was going to be a big night in my life.

To be continued…

The Boy: The Meeting...

Part Six

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five first.)

That Wednesday, I rode with my friend Kim to Bible Study. Again, broke out in a sweat in the car. Good thing she liked to be early too. That way, I could find a seat, stay there till it was over and then book it out of there! Social situations just brought me way too much anxiety.

Luckily, I knew the people who were hosting the bible study, and settled into my corner on the couch. More people showed up… a married couple, another couple (or at least they looked like a couple), another single girl…another couple…and one single guy.

He showed up late.

We did our introductions and I didn’t catch his name.

But I did catch: his EYES. They were SO blue they just drew you in. Like…really blue.

And for some odd reason…I felt like he was staring at me. The WHOLE bible study. If he answered a question, he would look at me like we were the only two people in the room and answer it. I didn’t say a word, I could barely even say my name, but I kept catching his eyes the whole night.

When I left and got into the car with Kim, the first thing she said was, “That one guy kept staring at you!”

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know his name! But his blue eyes were stuck in my head…like they were somehow able to pierce deep into my soul and see the true me.

The Boy: Two Months Before

Part Five

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four first.)

Super Bowl Sunday, my life changed.

A girl from church called to invite me to a woman’s super group at church. My first thought was NO WAY. Too many people, too much talking, and too much sharing. Not. For. Me.

But God had a different plan. For some odd reason, I just said yes. And I don’t just say yes to ANYTHING. I have to think about it, plan it out, make sure it is okay and will work, and then I will say yes. But I just said yes.

It starts tomorrow? Oh. Boy. Not quite ready for that.

I was nervous the whole day at school. I knew that night I was going to have to go because I told her I was going to be there. Plus, I wasn’t doing anything anyways. I was never doing anything.
Walking down the hall at school that day, one of my teaching friends stopped me. “Have I ever invited you to my small group?” You have GOT to be kidding me.

I had been avoiding getting into a small group for almost a year. And now TWO offers in TWO days??? And again, for some very strange reason, I just said yes.

I joined my {second} small group.

That might at Bible Study #1, I walked into the room, and recognized a few people. That helped with the massive amount of anxiety I was feeling...and showing. I broke out in a cold sweat before I even got through the doors. This was a big step for me.

But God had big plans for me. I enjoyed Bible Study. Met some great women. And started to feel like my heart might be able to heal.

I decided that night that I needed to focus more on HIM, and less on him. I needed to give my whole heart, or what I thought I had left to HIM, and not to him anymore. I needed to depend on HIS love, and not cling to his love. I needed to be satisfied by the one that can fully satisfy, instead of try to be satisfied by surface superficial love.

I committed myself to the 8 week bible study in the woman’s super group. The topic? Discerning the voice of God. I can tell you this. I KNEW that was the voice of God.

I committed myself to my Bible Study #2 as well.

I committed myself to going to Church EVERY Sunday. I needed my focus and my whole life to be devoted to HIM. And I hit the pavement running…