The Boy: The Summer Before...

Part Two

(Read part one first.)

After finishing up student teaching, I was exhausted. I finished and then jumped right into a long term sub job that finished out the school year for me. I had never been so happy when June 16th rolled around.

However, what that meant was, I was working three jobs…moved into my own little 600 square foot apartment…and felt lonely. I longed to have someone in my life. And I think I was a little too desperate.

One of my favorite movies is “The Wedding Planner”. Partially because I love Jennifer Lopez, partially because I love weddings, and partially because I love plans. But anyways, there is a line in that movie where Jennifer says she is a ‘magnet for unavailable men’.

The first time I watched that movie, I said to myself, “That’s me”.

I tend to gravitate toward unavailable men. Unavailable in that they are involved with someone else, not emotionally available, or not in a good place to start a relationship. That was my track record.

I like to fix people. I like to make things better. And those are the people I tended to gravitate towards. People who needed me. Or so I thought they needed me.

Through a family friend, I met one of his employees. We started hanging out and it was so great to have someone do things with. Someone who called me. Someone who texted me. Someone who wanted to spend time with me.

We started a whirlwind of a friendship that quickly developed into something more.

And that’s when I found out he was living with his girlfriend. Yep. I said it. Unavailable.

But silly me, thought we could stay just friends. It was obvious he had other intentions, but I was naïve enough to just go along with it all.

So, that summer, we developed a relationship built on sinking sand.

I knew it wasn’t healthy but I was felt like I couldn’t give it up.

I would gather just enough courage to break it off, but then he would swoop in and make things all better and I just couldn’t let that go.

I was working three jobs and staying quite busy, but I would drop everything to spend time with him. He would come to my work during lunch just to chat. He would text me endlessly while bored at his work. He would spend hours just hanging out with me at home.

But then there were the times when he wasn’t there. When he wouldn’t answer texts. When he wouldn’t answer phone calls. When he would disappear. Because he was with her. I knew it, but choose to ignore it.

And I again, foolishly, put up with it. For three months, I balanced in between being a girlfriend, a friend, the ‘other’ woman, and a girlfriend. But really, I was none of those. For three months, I sacrificed my true happiness, for a few moments of feeling loved.