reflections.

What a year 2010 has been. Here is my recap, month by month.

JANUARY ~ This year started our in a very dark, lonely place. My heart was still breaking, and I was trying to piece it back together. I spent the month giving everything to my students and soaking up their love more than they will ever know. That is what got me through. I baked, watched TV, went to the gym, worked my second job, and spent time with my family.

FEBRUARY ~ Started out very much so the same as January. Valentine's day was spent on the shooting range wearing black (a tradition of mine). I decided that I was too young and my life was too short to waste it away. And that is what I felt I was doing. Wasting my life. Amazing how God listens and intervenes right when we need him. Super Bowl weekend, I was invited to join a women's small group. It started the next day. That Monday, I was invited to join a small group that met on Wednesdays. After many tears and prayers, I knew I needed to give my life back to God, to put my whole focus on him and not on me. Also, I met this guy. He had blue eyes and was in my small group.

MARCH ~ A whirlwind of a month. Started bible study. LOVED it. Felt like my life had purpose again. And within two weeks, Ryan and I had met, went on our first...second...third...fourth... date. Fell completely head over heals in love. Oh and he called his parents and told them he was going to marry me. My family didn't know him.

APRIL ~ Life. Was. GREAT.

MAY ~ Life. Was. GREAT.

JUNE ~ A very emotional month. Due to a one year contract, I love my wonderful teaching job. Had to move out of my classroom. Had to say goodbye to my students. Had to say goodbye to my staff. Ryan was there for me through everything. My family was so supportive. And I felt truly loved.

JULY ~ Started teaching summer school. Quite the adventure. Life was just great. Growing more and more in love with my man.

AUGUST ~ Feeling so solid in my family, my love of family, and Ryan. Spending time with family and just soaking it up. Was rehired at a different elementary school. Spent many hours getting ready for my new bunch of 5th graders.

SEPTEMBER ~ Became the future Mrs. Katie Kanzler, when Ryan asked me to be his wife and spend the rest of my life with him. FOREVER. Loved the thought that he would be my family, his family would become my family, and he would (someday) become the father of my children. Started teaching at a very different school and discovering how to advocate for myself and my kids.

OCTOBER ~ Wedding planning. Wedding planning. Some more wedding planning. Found my DRESS. And a church. And a reception place. Teaching. Crazy.

NOVEMBER ~ Spent pretty much all of November SICK. But feeling so loved and supported by Ryan and my family. Spent Thanksgiving with Ryan's family, and then with mine. Loving having two families.

DECEMBER ~ Spent my first Christmas with Ryan, decorating his place, hanging out with his family, celebrating with my family. Feeling so in love, and so loved.

What a wonderful year it has been of major changes. Can't even wait to see what 2011 has in store. It's going to be a big year. Bring. It. On.

hello. i used to blog here. and a proposal.

Boy, has it been a long time since I have blogged! Funny thing is, I still read OTHER people's blogs, and get upset when they don't post frequent enough! Oops :)

Life has been crazy between church, family, Ryan, friends, school, work, youth group, wedding planning, and just plain old life.

But trust me, it has been anything but plain.

I'm hoping once the new year starts, I will be back on my daily blogging habits. But to tide you over, I will post my PROPOSAL story. I love it.

P.S. It's written in the third person. Yes, I know, weird. But it goes with my wedding website.

Here it is. My very own personal love story.

THE PROPOSAL

After Ryan and Katie’s first date, they both began thinking that this could be ‘it’. Two weeks into their relationship, they were watching a movie at Katie’s and Ryan stopped it because he said he needed to call his parents. He put them on speaker and announced to all listening (including Katie!) a big surprise: he had found the girl he was going to marry.
They continued growing their love for each other and spending time getting to know one another, along with each other’s families.
About a week before the big event, Katie’s suspicions were raised due to Ryan making many ‘secret’ phone calls, and not doing the greatest job being ‘secret’. It was quickly discovered that Ryan was NOT good at keeping ANYTHING a secret.
The morning of September 11th came. It was a beautiful fall day in Poulsbo. Around 3:00, Ryan suggested they go for a walk into downtown Poulsbo. His apartment is only about a mile away and they had done this on many occasions. As they started walking, Ryan’s hands became very sweaty, very fast. It was at this point, Katie began to think that maybe he was going to do it at a special place they visited in town. However, they quickly passed that spot and continued on.
As they entered town and crossed the street, Katie did a double take as she noticed 4 girls standing in front of the bakery holding signs. After one glance, and then a second look, she realized they were some of Ryan’s niece’s. They crossed the street, and at that moment, Katie realized it was happening. Hannah’s sign read “You’d make a great Aunt (Hint, Hint) and Abbie did a wonderful coloring job on her sign which read “I hope you stay with Uncle Ryan forever (no pressure). After hugs and smiles were exchanged, Katie was instructed to continue down the road.
Their journey continued until Jeremy, (Ryan’s brother-in-law), and Ian and Boe (Ryan’s nephews) popped up holding their signs. Boe, who was obviously quite excited about all of this, had a sign reading “Where’s the food line?” Jeremy’s read “2 out of 3 in-laws agree the Kanzler family is the place to be” (we are still trying to figure out who the 3rd one is…..). And sweet Ian had a sign reading “Will you be my Aunt Katie?” Ryan and Katie then noticed the flashing of cameras across the street where Ryan’s three sisters stood holding a sign that read “Always room in our hearts for one more sister.”
This now growing bunch of people continued down the street to the end of the downtown area. At a small table sat Theresa, and Ryan’s Mom and Dad. It was at this point that the tears started flowing. Hugs were given all around and the reality of all of this was starting to really set in for Katie. With three more in tow, they continued down to the waterfront area. As they rounded the corner near the big rock, Katie spotted her family sitting on a bench. This would be the first meeting of the Ryan and Katie’s families. After many introductions, hugs, and quite a few more tears, Ryan asked Katie to take a walk with him.
Hand in hand, they walked down the boardwalk by the water, both knowing what was about to come. As they reached their ‘special spot’, Ryan took both of Katie’s hands and told her how much he loved her and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He bent down on one knee, and opened up a small white box, and asked her to marry him. Somewhere in between the tears and trying to hold it together, Katie said yes, and Ryan slipped the most gorgeous ring onto her finger. A perfect fit.
The rest of the afternoon was quite the whirlwind: a reenactment of the proposal so pictures could be taken, a surprise engagement party with the families, many phone calls and e-mails, and ending celebrating just the two of them over pie at Shari’s.

MIA...

So sorry I have been MIA on the blogging.....

I have been just a little bit busy...

WEDDING PLANNING!

That's right.

Planning MY wedding.

I am {ENGAGED}.

And loving the fact that in 8 short months, I will be a MRS., married to a man who makes me feel complete.

Who loves me more than I know.

Who has changed my life.

A FULL recap of his AMAZING proposal, ring pictures, and all kinds of wedding details to come SOON.

But for now...a picture from the night we got engaged. I love him.

The Boy: The Love Part...

What a crazy adventure this thing is that we call love.

We have been :

Learning to love each other.
Learning to love our faults.
Learning to love our quirks.
Learning to love our families.
Learning to love our Lord...together.
Learning how to be loved and allow that.

We have spent time with my family. He fits in perfectly.
We have spent time with his family. I just absolutely love them.

I learned how to let my guard down and just L-O-V-E.

And I LOVE that.

The Boy: The Second, Third, and Fourth Date...

Part Nine

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six and part seven and part eight first.)

That Wednesday at group, I got there a few minutes late.

But Ryan wasn’t there either.

The only seat was a chair kind of in the ‘back row’ since we were watching a movie clip to start. Then Ryan showed up. And grabbed a chair and sat RIGHTNEXTTOME.

Towards the end of group, he asked for my phone number. I put my phone number in his phone. And called my phone so I had his.

That night, he was on Facebook.

Want to chat?
GULP. Sure.

He called.

We talked for about an hour before we both were falling asleep.

Thursday, he texted me and asked me if I wanted to do something Saturday.
Sure…what do you have in mind?

I don’t know…we can figure it out then I guess. Just come over around 11ish on Saturday.

…okay.

Big steps for me.

Friday night he called. He couldn’t wait to see me. Could we do dinner tonight too?

…okay.

Friday night was great…we chatted about everything, and conversation came so easily.
I was supposed to meet him at 11 at his house the next day…but he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. I like a man with a little mystery.

The next day was a whirlwind… we ended up going to the beach up where he works, about 45 minutes north. We walked on the beach, had lunch, talked, and just soaked up spending time together.

Come over tomorrow?

…okay.

Sunday again, we spent the entire day together, went to church, watched a movie, cooked dinner together, and just enjoyed.

We had the official ‘DTR’ (define the relationship) conversation, and it was agreed that we were officially ‘dating’.

I felt such…peace. Such… confidence, safety, and love.

Like I just knew my heart was in good hands.

And THAT, was an amazing feeling…

The Boy: The First (unofficial?) Date...

Part Eight

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six and part seven first.)

I showed up that night REALLY nervous to group link. Nervous for two reasons.

Number 1: I would have to talk to LOTS of people

Number 2: Ryan would be there and I would have to talk to him.

He was already there when I got there…manning the table. Apparently, he got there before the 5:00 service…went to church and then was going to be there for the time before the 6:30 service.

And so it started. The talking. It came so easy. The flirting. Lots of it. The teasing. But in a playful fun manner. The sharing. Why was I being so open with him? Not many people came over to talk to us about our group, but I was kind of glad. I was enjoying this so much!

The 6:30 service was going to start, and I hadn’t gone to church yet. I figured I could stay after the 6:30 to man our table since no one had signed up to do that.

But Ryan had already gone to church. Until I convinced him he really should stay with me and come to church AGAIN and then help me man the table after.

And he did.

While we were singing worshiping God…I started feeling this overwhelming sense of…peace. Something I hadn’t felt in quite some time.

A sence of... completeness.

After church was over, we continued joking, laughing, talking, and sharing.

Ryan: So… I’m kind of hungry.
Me: Me too.
Ryan: So…do you want to go get something to eat?
Me: GULP. Sure
Ryan: Okay, where do you want to go?
Me: I don’t care…wherever.
Ryan: I don’t know much over here…what sounds good?
Me: How about Silver City?
Ryan: Okay, meet you there!
Me: GULP. Okay.
I pulled out of the parking lot and called Sarah.

AM I GOING ON A DATE? I don’t know… I’m nervous…AHHHHH. I think that is kind of how the conversation went. Very direct and to the point if you can't tell.

I showed up at Silver City…and let me just tell you.

Those next THREE hours are a complete blur. I had to work the next morning, but we stayed there until 11. It went by SO fast.

We talked about everything: school, work, family, faith, love, life…conversation came so easily.

He paid.

Hugged me goodbye.

And let me tell you…I was REALLY looking forward to that coming Wednesday…

The Boy: The Second, Third, and Fourth Meeting...

Part Seven

(Read part one and part two and part three and part four and part five and part six first.)

I was kind of excited to go to Bible Study the next week. I was getting more comfortable around people. Having a Monday night group with a great group of godly woman, and then having a Wednesday night group with my peers. I felt like I was fully investing my life in God and putting my full focus on him. And he started to work on piecing my broken heart back together.

Life felt better.

It was easier to smile.

At my Monday group, I shared my story and was supported by an amazing group of Christian mentors. I felt like God placed each and every one of them in my life to support me, challenge me, help me grow, and to just love me.

Wednesday night group gave me a sense of belonging, made me feel like I could have friends. People who I could go and do things with. People who were teaching me how to have healthy relationships again.

That Wednesday, I was excited to see this mystery guy again. If not for anything but just to see those blue eyes. Man, they just would draw you in!

He didn’t say much that night, but when I asked what type of dessert I should bring the next week, he quickly said brownies. I filed that away in my brain to remember to make brownies for next week’s group.

God was starting to break down some of those barriers and walls I had around my heart.

That week, brownies it was. I got there early with Kim, and was kind of nervous about seeing this guy again. I still didn’t know his name!

Everyone got settled in…and he wasn’t there. Darn.

About 20 minutes into group, he showed up. And guess what? There was an open seat right next to me on the couch. As in… RIGHT next to me. He could have sat somewhere else, but he sat right next to me.

Now, normally, I would have completely frozen and not have known what to do. He was sitting SOCLOSE to me…but for some odd reason…it just felt… okay. I felt like God was telling me not to run. Not to hide. Not to be scared. That this was just…good.

After group, as soon as we got in the car, Kim and I gushed the WHOLE way back about how CLOSE he was sitting and we were still trying to figure out his name!

That next week was Spring Break. I was spending it hiding from my life down with a friend. We were just going to enjoy sleeping in, shopping, relaxing, cooking, baking, and going out a few times.

That meant I wasn’t going to get to see him that week.

But….I had this bookshelf. In my classroom. And I am awful at putting things together.

So, my brilliant idea to see if he might be interested…without really making the first step… was to e-mail my bible study group to see if someone could help me. If he responded, great. If not, great. Oh, and I finally figured out his name! Ryan. I liked that name.

Sure enough…I e-mailed. He responded. And that’s when I chickened out. I just let him know that I had it done by someone else, but Thank you so much! for the offer.

That next week and Bible Study…he didn’t show up. But at that point, it was okay. I felt like my life was on the mission. I felt like my heart was in the right place. And I didn’t need him to make me have a reason to go to group. I wanted to go to group. He was just a bonus.

Our bible study leader asked us to all sign up for times to work during a church service monitoring our table so that people could ask questions during what we call “Group Link”.

I always go to the night services, so I signed up for the 6:30.

And what do you know. So did he.

Same time.

That next Sunday was going to be a big night in my life.

To be continued…