tonight.

So excited...

To go bowling...

With the boy...

And enjoy some fun friend time..

Together.

So excited...

P.S. I am realizing am I am reading over my past few posts it looks like I am a yo-yo of emotions. But this is my person journal, my way of getting what is in my head out into words, so that I can process it.

So while I realize my emotions have been a yo-yo, I am okay with that. And in all actuality, they really are not. On the outside, I am very even keeled. I am pretty stoic. But when I let loose and let all of those thoughts out, they come out like a broken mess of emotions. But that is okay.

friends.

Today I was suprised by a wonderful little pick me up gift that couldn't have come at a better time. My friend Rob, who I went to college and traveled to France with, sent me a package.

Earlier this year, I sent him a cake on his birthday. He set aside his life and moved to Iowa to work as an Americops volunteer. I know that they work hard, and do great things. So, in thanks, sent him a cake.

Today, I opened a package to find a sweet card, and a home made hand made hat. It's perfect. Warmed my heart in a way he will never ever know. Touched me and made me feel loved which couldn't have come at a better time.

The love of friends is good.

tough.

Tough to find out that while I was complaining about not hearing from the Boy, he was dealing with his Grandfather having a stroke and sitting waiting to find out if he would survive.

Tough to find out while I was feeling sad, he was hurting.

Tough to find out while I was lonely, he was comforting his family.

Tough to realize I can be very selfish.

But realization is the first step to progress, right?

spoke too soon...

Apparently I spoke too soon. Every bit of communication has stopped. At least I was guarding my heart and preparing for this to happen. But it still isn't fun. However, I know I'll get over it and move on...again.

like a light switch....

Things have flipped like a light switch. I was unsure, kind of hesitant, and felt the distance growing. This week the boy was distant again, and I wasn't sure what to do.

Then Thursday, he asked me to have lunch with him in his sweet "Have lunch with me?" text. And how could I say no to that. So, we had lunch, exchanged gifts, and went our separate ways. He headed down to Vancouver to spend some time with his family, and I headed home to my family as well.

Since Thursday night, I have talked on the phone to him 6 times. Yes, actually talked on the phone. Texting is apparently back in style too. Oh, and Facebooking.

I'm trying to be cautious with my heart but here is the truth: This is what I have missed. I have missed my friend. The one who texts me when he wakes up, or when he can't sleep or when he goes to bed. The one who wants to call and tell me that he misses me. That he wishes I was there with him. Who tells me I'm beautiful. I have missed my friend that I can joke around with.

This is what I don't want to stop. I want him to be my friend. I want to care about him as my friend. I want him to care about me as his friend. And if that is all that happens, I will be just fine with that. Of course, there is still a little part in my heart that wishes he was mine and I was his if you know what I mean, but right now I am happy to have my friend back. Just like things used to be this summer before we got all complicated.

So, he is coming back home Sunday I think...and we are hanging out on Monday. He has the day off, I have the day off. Perfect. Just like it used to be.

I just hope that the light switch stays on, and doesn't suddenly turn off. Again. I like having my friend back. :)

on a different note...

Need You Now Lyrics

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
To me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU

I know that the bridges that I've burned
Along the way
Have left me with these walls and these scars
That won't go away
And opening up, has always been the hardest thing
Until you came

[Chorus]
So lay here, beside me, just hold me, and don't let go
This feeling, I'm feeling, is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty
When I just wake up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody
But it's never too much
I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all
You climed my wall

So lay here, beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

Off you
Off you

So lay here, beside me, just hold me and don't let go
Oh this feeling, I'm feeling, is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you

That's all. You get the point.

stress.

I was hoping that this break from school would give me some relief from some stress. But instead, I seems to keep acquiring new stress. More stress. Different stress. And I'm hoping to get rid of it sometime soon. Please.

Let's see. Stress with my family. Stress with the boy. Stress with money. Stress with living arraignments. Stress with my Dad. Stress with my Mom. Stress with friends. Stress with my other job. Stress with gift buying. Stress with lots of things.

Some things have been resolved and there is less stress. Such as my landlord relieving my stress about living arraignments and money issues related to that. So nice. Stress with friends has been relieved. Stress with gift buying is almost over. Stress with my other job is over for the break because I am not working there for the rest of my break.

So, its getting better. Less stress is good.