honesty.

I think I have been avoiding my blog.

The reason? I have to be honest on here. When I write in my 'journal' to myself, I have to be honest. And sometimes honesty hurts. Sometimes, its painful to be honest with yourself. Sometimes, it hurts to write down what you are thinking because it makes it so much more real.

Honesty.

So here is a sampling of what I have been thinking about:

The boy

The bestie

Parents

Brothers

Mariners (when am I not thinking about them?) :)

Work

School

The Future

My Faith

Weight Loss

Stress

Money

Timing

Music

Virtues

Respect

Standards

Being an adult

Serving

Compassion

Cooking

Pain

Reading

Wisdom

Photography

Dates

Coffee

Forgiveness

Unconditional Love

Yes, it is a list. Yes, all of those things have been on my mind recently along with a million other things. Maybe that is why I have had a hard time sleeping...my mind won't shut off and stop thinking about all these things, it just keeps going and going and going...

Obviously a lot of these subjects are related to each other and are related to different things going on in my life.

I don't know if I can actually process any of these things tonight and write coherently about them. But I will do a few bullets...cause you know, I have a love affair with lists.

• Krislyn recently wrote about a few books she has been reading, and I have been reading the same ones. She is actually the person who got me into blogging, and I am SO thankful for that! So, recently I have been reading Crazy Love, Lady in Waiting, Getting Married, and Love Languages for Singles. All on recommendations from other bloggers! I am loving reading these books and I am looking forward to writing more about them!
• I read this blog, and recently Jordan has been talking about her 'boy' and boy did I relate to her last post about her boy. Yep, kinda feeling like someone threw back the covers on me when I wasn't expecting it. Did that analogy work?
• Also cried reading her other post here. My older younger brother is starting high school on Wednesday, and I can't even image when he starts college, I am going to be a mess. I feel so blessed to have stayed close to him and to home where I can keep an eye out for him, as well as get all the good insight into his world of being a teenage boy. He tells me about his crushes, his hurts, what makes him mad, and he melts my heart. He can always cheer me up and is Mr. Personality. Can't believe his is growing up so fast. I mean, behind the wheel of the car already? I still remember his sitting on the 25 cent horse in front of Walmart. Or for that matter, teaching him how to crawl behind the rubber duck. He's kinda special to me. He should just stop growing up.
• The boy. Oh the BOY. Not exactly sure about all of that right now. Friends? Yes, for sure. In fact, I had a crappy night a few days ago, and he just came over and held me. We didn't have to say anything, we didn't have to do anything, he just stroked my hair, let me vent/cry when I needed to, and would ever so often gently squeeze me just to let me know he was there. And the occasional kiss on the forehead but I seriously felt better after he was here. Calmed my soul down a bit. But that is where the problem comes in. I miss him when he's not here. I miss him when I don't see him. Or like tonight where I haven't texted with him in 4 hours. I miss him, and I can't get him off my mind. I just miss him. Period.
• There will be more on the boy, don't worry. I just need to change subjects for a few bullets. :)
• The bestie is currently match.com dating. Personally, I think its a little strange. But kinda hilarious. I love reviewing her matches with her and then figuring out who she should click 'not interested' and who she should 'wink' at. She's had a couple of regular real dates which is great for her. I'm happy that she's enjoying herself and is out of other bad situations.
• The Mariners. Win three games in a row, and then loose. Not good. But, I am SUPER excited that I am going to the game Saturday. Super Duper Excited. The boy got me tickets so the Bestie, her 'friend' and the boy and I are going. Super excited. And against KC which means my favorite Mariner will be back in town! Willie Bloomquist!!!
• So, it looks like I do indeed have a job. It will start as a substitute position, and then hopefully I will be 'officially' hired by the end of the month. There is a lot of room for changes and additions, but right now I will be teaching Kindergarten PE/Art/Music, and a few other things possibly. Should be GREAT!
• The gym work has been great. And nannying. But man I have been tired! Working is good though, it keeps me busy and gives me a purpose for my day. And I get to make some money to pay my rent!

I think that is all I can muster up for now. I have finished my tea, written a very long blog post, and now it is time for me to crash! I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow which will be a nice change of pace from getting up at 6 these last few days!

Tomorrow I have a coffee date with an old friend and I am so looking forward to reconnecting with her and possibly finding a small group to connect with as well. It will be great.

Then the fam and I are off to the grand old Fair and Rodeo! And the boy MAY be coming with us. We shall see how that works out...but I think it would be great if he could come.

Saturday I am working and have the M's game... Sunday is CHURCH. So good...and I'm really really really really hoping the boy will come with me to Church. Cause that would be G-R-E-A-T.

And then the week starts again. And it is going to be super duper crazy. CRAZY.

Oh my life. Love it. Wouldn't want it any other way. A roller coast, right? :)