Pretty uneventful day. Worked at the gym today which was pretty fun. Met "Will" the new personal trainer. Let me tell you... I would pay the 65 and hour just to watch him work out. Enough said.
Ran some errands... thought about a certain person... listened to loud music... prayed while driving... cried a bit while driving (why does that ALWAYS happen?!?!?!)
Did a bit of shopping... helped the brother with a school project... drove back to my place... and ready to go to bed so I can face the day tomorrow!
Things I am currently praying about:
Little April Rose
My family
My future
A certain someone
My students (Jorden and Gabe in particular)
Donna and Cindy
Sarah
McMamma and Stellan
Oh, one more thing.
I have been having a rough time recently feeling isolated. And maybe that is because I have been struggling in the area of friendship. I"m going to get kinda honest here and blunt. Watch out.
Recently, I have been watching my friends make some pretty big decisions in their lives... and I disagree with their choices.
For example: sleeping with your 'I don't really know what we are' friend/boyfriend/boytoy; moving in with your boyfriend; living with your fiancee...
I don't know exactly where I am going with this... but maybe just that I feel like I need some new friends with good solid morals! That being said, I have some great friends. Wonderful friends. Amazing friends. Solid Christian, grounded friends that I love dearly.
But again, that being said: I seem to have issues with friendship. I"ll just say it. Maybe it is me. And maybe that is why I am cautious about saying anything about these bad moral decisions my friends are making. I don't want to end up all alone. I don't want to end up without any friends. My friends know my take on things... they know my opinion and stance. But I don't push it on them every chance I get.
However, I can't really seem to hold onto 'good' friends for too long. High school friends: I have 2. One lives in Cali, and one in Hawaii. College: I started out with about 10 close friends. Of those 10, I see one on a regular basis. 4 of them I no longer talk to. One I am in the process of starting to maybe kind of rekindle things with. We shall see. There is still a lot of pain and hurt there. Forgiveness has been given but trust is a whole other ball game.
So currently, I only have a few friends that I see on a regular basis. I have 1 really good amazing friend who makes horrible life decisions, 1 really close solid, grounded, amazing friend who I can talk about everything from Baseball to God, evil, cracker jacks, and Hannah Montana with, and the other person I have been spending quite a bit of time with... has no idea that I sometimes find it difficult to breath and get my heart to beat at a normal speed around him. But can I tell him that? No.
Friendship. Its tough. And it gets me thinking... am I a good friend? Is it me that pushes people away? If I can't keep friends... am I ever going to be able to keep a man in my life?
Oh man... writing sometimes just make my head spin around so fast and I have all these thoughts that just RUSH to my finger tips.
If you are still reading this, I commend you.
I think that is all for right now. Good thing I have Tuesday to write as well.
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